Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
