so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
