You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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