This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have fence marks all over my body
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
