I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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