thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
