Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
