Buhtt sex?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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