one might say we're banned from that church
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
