Just cropdusted the office
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
