we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
