apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize