you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
