Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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