My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
