The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
