So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
