What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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