I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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