What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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