everyone is single if you try hard enough
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
