i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
