TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
