You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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