Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
