So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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