I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
