I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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