We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
