I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize