if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I looked at my own cervix.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
