We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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