how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
