ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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