im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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