So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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