you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
