she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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