i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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