This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
