it wasn't lemon gatorade
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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