Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
