Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
