I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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