I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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