Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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