I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
