I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
