U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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