if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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