i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
