if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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