Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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