Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
