Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
