Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
