Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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