So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
