turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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