Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
