I want to make a zoo with you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
