I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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