Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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