You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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