Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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