Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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