The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dicks are not precious.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
