like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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