i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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