There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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