if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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