Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
