Tell her she can't have a vagina
I smell stomach acid.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
