going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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