remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
