who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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